The Republic of Spatula is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Leader with an even hand, and notable for its keen interest in outer space, public floggings, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate population of 15.898 billion Spatulans are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, socially-minded morass — prioritizes Education, with Environment, Social Policy, and Welfare also on the agenda, while Defense and Spirituality are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Spatula City. The average income tax rate is 82.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The strong Spatulan economy, worth 897 trillion Ulvers a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is solely comprised of the Tourism industry. Average income is 56,424 Ulvers, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Passive-aggressive congratulations cards inform mums-to-be that their pregnancy is their greatest achievement in life, public urination is on the increase, immigrants who carry knives on them are presumed to be chefs, and there's nothing more gay than bleeding for your nation. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Spatula's national animal is the Timber Wolf, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Spatula is ranked 35,977^th in the world and 2,411^th in Lazarus for Lowest Crime Rates, with 79.49 law-abiding acts per hour.