The Absolute Units of Schitz is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by a bell end with an iron fist, and remarkable for its compulsory military service, zero percent divorce rate, and restrictive gun laws. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 36.88 billion utter morons are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Environment, Spirituality, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Schmendrik. The income tax rate is 100%.

The very strong full on idiot economy, worth a remarkable 7,380 trillion Bills a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is extremely specialized, is mostly made up of the Basket Weaving industry, with major contributions from Furniture Restoration. Average income is an amazing 200,117 Bills, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Bands of adventurers rove the countryside searching for monsters, conspiracy theorists allege that the government is spying on them through their carbon monoxide detectors, those who investigate UFOs tend to wake up delirious on abandoned roads, and the horniness of the great-horned grundle is considered a national priority. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Schitz's national animal is the grundle, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is mostly shouting at people.

Schitz is ranked 131^st in the world and 1^st in Gatesville Inc for Lowest Crime Rates, with 272.04 law-abiding acts per hour.