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The Dirty Cheats of Northern Bettia

“You're going home in a f**king ambulance”

Category: Compulsory Consumerist State
Civil Rights:
Below Average
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Outlawed

Regional Influence: Truckler

Location: Atlantian Oceania

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The Dirty Cheats of Northern Bettia is a gargantuan, economically powerful nation, ruled by Cutey Snugglekins with an iron fist, and notable for its complete lack of public education. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 16.972 billion Gogs are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The tiny, corrupt, pro-business government is effectively ruled by the Department of Defence, with areas such as Social Equality and the Environment receiving almost no funds by comparison. It meets every day to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Viagra. Income tax is unheard of. A powerhouse of a private sector is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, followed by Uranium Mining and Automobile Manufacturing.

The adult unemployment rate nears 100% as all available jobs have been filled by young children, skateparks can be found in every city, petitions to the government are being used to insulate politicians' office walls, and the commercialisation of highly deadly weapons has instilled Northern Bettia with a very polite populace. Crime -- especially youth-related -- is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force. Northern Bettia's national animal is the Giant Ant, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, its national religion is Voodoo, and its currency is the Groat.

Northern Bettia is ranked 172nd in Atlantian Oceania and 110,425th in the world for Least Corrupt Governments, scoring -302 on the Inverse Mugabe Relativity Rating.

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity: 5 days ago

  • 5 days ago: Northern Bettia changed its national demonym to "Gog".
  • 6 days ago: Northern Bettia was ranked #1 in the region for Shortest Average Lifespan (last census: Top 5%).
  • 17 days ago: Northern Bettia was ranked #1 in the region for Most Avoided (last census: Top 5%).
  • 24 days ago: Northern Bettia fell out of the regional Top 10% for Most Influential.
  • 56 days ago: Northern Bettia was ranked in the Top 10% of the region for Largest Populations.
  • 85 days ago: Northern Bettia was ranked in the Top 5% of the region for Shortest Average Lifespan (last census: #1).
  • 89 days ago: Northern Bettia was ranked in the Top 5% of the region for Most Corrupt Governments (last census: #1).
  • 91 days ago: Following new legislation in Northern Bettia, the commercialisation of highly deadly weapons has instilled Northern Bettia with a very polite populace.
  • 91 days ago: Following new legislation in Northern Bettia, petitions to the government are being used to insulate politicians' office walls.
  • 91 days ago: Following new legislation in Northern Bettia, skateparks can be found in every city.

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by Max Barry

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