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The Weyland Corporation of Heinekenbier

“Best worldrankings: First and second last.”

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights:
Unheard Of
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Outlawed

Regional Influence: Auxiliary

Location: Nederland

OverviewPeopleGovernmentEconomyTrendAnalysis

The Weyland Corporation of Heinekenbier is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Dear Leader with an iron fist, and remarkable for its parental licensing program. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 24.733 billion Heinekenbierians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt, moralistic government stops and the rest of society begins, but it is effectively ruled by the Department of Law & Order, with areas such as the Environment and Social Welfare receiving almost no funds by comparison. It meets every day to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Heinekenbier City. The average income tax rate is 100%. A powerhouse of a private sector is dominated by the Uranium Mining industry.

Soldiers have swapped their uniforms for prisonwear, the government is a law unto itself, naturists are jailed regularly for indecent exposure, and muscular women are banned from competing in sporting competitions. Crime -- especially youth-related -- is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force. Heinekenbier's national animal is the oxygen molecule, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, its national religion is Dear Leaders' Cult, and its currency is the bottle cap.

Heinekenbier is ranked 2nd in Nederland and 97th in the world for Rudest Citizens, with 1,138.8 Insults Per Minute (net).

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity: 19 hours ago

  • 15 hours ago: Following new legislation in Heinekenbier, muscular women are banned from competing in sporting competitions.
  • 15 hours ago: Following new legislation in Heinekenbier, naturists are jailed regularly for indecent exposure.
  • 15 hours ago: Following new legislation in Heinekenbier, the government is a law unto itself.
  • 15 hours ago: Following new legislation in Heinekenbier, soldiers have swapped their uniforms for prisonwear.
  • 15 hours ago: Following new legislation in Heinekenbier, every citizen must submit to DNA testing to be eliminated from police inquiries.
  • 6 days ago: Following new legislation in Heinekenbier, fewer people are bathing as citizens must show ration stamps before they can turn on their faucets.
  • 6 days ago: Following new legislation in Heinekenbier, Heinekenbier's army is full of two-metre tall super-soldiers.
  • 6 days ago: Following new legislation in Heinekenbier, the country has been 'going shopping' by annexing nearby nations for their resources.
  • 6 days ago: Following new legislation in Heinekenbier, billions of bottle caps are being blown on orbital weapons development.
  • 6 days ago: Following new legislation in Heinekenbier, breastfeeding mothers are replacing smokers to loiter outside the workplace.

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by Max Barry

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