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The Penny Arcade Mecca of Greater Cuba

“We Don't Get Mad, We Get Stabby”

Category: New York Times Democracy
Civil Rights:
Political Freedoms:
World Benchmark

Regional Influence: Contender

Location: USSR


The Penny Arcade Mecca of Greater Cuba is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Porfirio Diaz with a fair hand, and remarkable for its national health service. The compassionate, intelligent population of 17.592 billion Cubans enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of the Environment, Education, and Social Welfare. It meets every day to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Nueva Havana. The average income tax rate is 100%. The private sector is almost wholly made up of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the government is looking at stamping this out.

The "Underwear of Women in Power" issue of The Nueva Havana Times is sold out, students are known to arrive at school in their pyjamas, billions of Roubles are being poured into a space program, and cheese has become the new icon of political dissent. Crime is totally unknown. Greater Cuba's national animal is the dik dik, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the Rouble.

Greater Cuba is ranked 1st in USSR and 47th in the world for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 948 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity: 1 day 7 hours ago


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by Max Barry

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