by Max Barry

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Fattest Citizens: 2ndRudest Citizens: 3rdMost Avoided: 3rd
The Walled Cities of
Corporate Bordello
בתחבולות תעשה לך מלחמה‎
Influence
Minnow
Civil Rights
Excellent
Economy
Frightening
Political Freedom
Superb

Overview Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

EretzIsrael

Population26.642 billion

Capitalיְרוּשָׁלַיִם
LeaderBenjamin Satanyahu
FaithSatanism

Currencyשקל
Animalgazelle

The Walled Cities of EretzIsrael is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Benjamin Satanyahu with a fair hand, and notable for its complete lack of prisons, smutty television, and complete lack of public education. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 26.642 billion EretzIsraelians are effectively ruled by a group of massive corporations, who run for political office and provide their well-off citizens with world-class goods and services. Their poorer citizens, however, are mostly starving to death while being urged to go out and get real jobs. The populace has reasonably extensive civil rights, although these are mostly aimed at allowing them to buy whatever they like.

The minute, corrupt, pro-business government, or what there is of one, prioritizes Industry, although Defense is also considered important, while Environment and Welfare aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of יְרוּשָׁלַיִם. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient EretzIsraelian economy, worth an astonishing 23,407 trillion שקלs a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Gambling, Information Technology, and Soda Sales. Average income is a breathtaking 878,608 שקלs, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 8,195,978 per year while the poor average 8,329, a ratio of 984 to 1.

The Snapgram channel "Embarrassing Baby Benjamin Satanyahu Pics" has made Benjamin Satanyahu's mom a celebrity, being Benjamin Satanyahu has been voted one of the top ten most dangerous jobs, one can walk from one side of יְרוּשָׁלַיִם to the other without setting foot on EretzIsraelian soil, and dozens of viewers go online to hear whether a comma has been added to Clause 5 in Subsection B of Law 58375. Crime is so common that it is unusual to encounter someone following the law, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. EretzIsrael's national animal is the gazelle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Satanism.

EretzIsrael is ranked 306,694th in the world and 7,083rd in The North Pacific for Most Cultured, scoring -382 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.

Top
1%
Fattest Citizens: 2ndRudest Citizens: 3rdMost Avoided: 3rdHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 4thLargest Gambling Industry: 5thLargest Retail Industry: 7thLowest Overall Tax Burden: 7thMost Corrupt Governments: 8thHighest Disposable Incomes: 10thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 10thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 12thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 16thMost Armed: 17thMost Efficient Economies: 19thHighest Crime Rates: 20thLargest Insurance Industry: 27thMost Secular: 28thHighest Average Incomes: 35thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 36thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 43rdMost Scientifically Advanced: 43rdLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 50thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 56thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 58thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 63rdLargest Mining Sector: 77thHighest Economic Output: 81stLargest Agricultural Sector: 156thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 244thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 531stLargest Information Technology Sector: 854thMost Valuable International Artwork: 1,573rdMost Pro-Market: 1,602ndMost Subsidized Industry: 1,685thLargest Governments: 2,247thMost Stationary: 2,789thTop
5%
Largest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 3,893rdLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 6,467thLargest Populations: 6,481stLargest Publishing Industry: 7,832ndSmartest Citizens: 8,045thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 10,031stMost Influential: 12,943rdLargest Black Market: 14,290thTop
10%
Most World Assembly Endorsements: 17,200th
Top
1%
Largest Retail Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 1st in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionRudest Citizens: 1st in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 1st in the regionFattest Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 2nd in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 2nd in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 2nd in the regionHighest Economic Output: 2nd in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 3rd in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 3rd in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 4th in the regionMost Pro-Market: 5th in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 6th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 7th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 17th in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 41st in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 63rd in the regionMost Stationary: 66th in the regionTop
5%
Largest Populations: 77th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 87th in the regionLargest Governments: 98th in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 182nd in the regionLargest Black Market: 206th in the regionLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 238th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 269th in the regionTop
10%
Largest Publishing Industry: 384th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 398th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, dozens of viewers go online to hear whether a comma has been added to Clause 5 in Subsection B of Law 58375.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, one can walk from one side of יְרוּשָׁלַיִם to the other without setting foot on EretzIsraelian soil.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, being Benjamin Satanyahu has been voted one of the top ten most dangerous jobs.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, the Snapgram channel "Embarrassing Baby Benjamin Satanyahu Pics" has made Benjamin Satanyahu's mom a celebrity.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, tumbleweeds made of litter adorn city streets.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, several citizens have complained about scientists abducting their pets for experimentation.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, court verdicts are predictable to within a hundredth of a percentage point.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, college students make ends meet by selling their kidneys.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, the most commonly-worn shoes are concrete ones.
  • : Following new legislation in EretzIsrael, insolent whistleblowers receive their just desserts on deserted isles.

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