The Balkan Confederation of Czkauvek is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by President Tomislav Donchev with a fair hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, parental licensing program, and hatred of cheese. The compassionate, democratic population of 9.458 billion Czkauvekans are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, outspoken morass — juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Sofia. The average income tax rate is 95.8%.

The strong Czkauvekan economy, worth 872 trillion United Balkan Levs a year, is highly specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 92,200 United Balkan Levs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The main interest rates change daily based on the latest news story, advert breaks are played at lower volumes to make them easier to ignore, psychiatrists bizarrely accompany President Tomislav Donchev to meetings with foreign heads of state, and the regional delicacy of chocolate bombes is deadlier than an unexploded bomb. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Czkauvek's national animal is the Lion, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Czkauvek is ranked 12,740^th in the world and 890^th in Lazarus for Lowest Crime Rates, with 96.88 law-abiding acts per hour.