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The Cabin in the Woods of Blazing Samaritan

“We don't need a stinkin' motto”

Category: Father Knows Best State
Civil Rights:
Excellent
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Rare

Regional Influence: Vassal

Location: The East Pacific

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The Cabin in the Woods of Blazing Samaritan is a gargantuan, devout nation, ruled by Giant Hand with an iron fist, and remarkable for its hatred of cheese. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 13.942 billion Blazing Samaritanites are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Education, and the Environment. It meets every day to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Necronomicon City. Income tax is unheard of. A powerhouse of a private sector is dominated by the Book Publishing industry.

The government is outsourcing itself, citizens wishing to be parents must undertake a series of gruelling tests to evaluate their capabilities, young children are regularly seen wagering pocket money at blackjack tables, and minority children spend hours bussing to schools miles away from home. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Blazing Samaritan's national animal is the Evil Unicorn, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, its national religion is Ventriloquism, and its currency is the Zombie Arm.

Blazing Samaritan is ranked 4,104th in The East Pacific and 118,015th in the world for Stupidest Citizens, scoring -24 on the Average Edu-UNtellignce® Test Score.

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity: 5 days ago

  • 4 days ago: Blazing Samaritan was endorsed by The Empire of Great Illyria.
  • 5 days ago: Blazing Samaritan was reclassified from "Corrupt Dictatorship" to "Father Knows Best State".
  • 5 days ago: Following new legislation in Blazing Samaritan, minority children spend hours bussing to schools miles away from home.
  • 5 days ago: Following new legislation in Blazing Samaritan, young children are regularly seen wagering pocket money at blackjack tables.
  • 5 days ago: Following new legislation in Blazing Samaritan, citizens wishing to be parents must undertake a series of gruelling tests to evaluate their capabilities.
  • 5 days ago: Following new legislation in Blazing Samaritan, the government is outsourcing itself.
  • 5 days ago: Following new legislation in Blazing Samaritan, space research funding has hit a recent high while several military bases are being closed down.
  • 7 days ago: Blazing Samaritan fell out of the world Top 10% for Least Corrupt Governments.
  • 7 days ago: Blazing Samaritan fell out of the regional Top 10% for Least Corrupt Governments.
  • 8 days ago: Blazing Samaritan was reclassified from "Father Knows Best State" to "Corrupt Dictatorship".

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by Max Barry

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