The Grand Empire of Belkaland is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Großkaiserin Katharina von Bora with an iron fist, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, pith helmet sales, and unlimited-speed roads. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 34.205 billion Belkans are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The relatively small, corrupt, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Education, Industry, and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Environment and Social Policy are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dinsmark. The average income tax rate is 45.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Belkan economy, worth a remarkable 9,966 trillion Guldens a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 291,363 Guldens, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.5 times as much as the poorest.

Racehorses move a lot slower these days, a surprising number of travelers carry their water in vodka bottles, "Großkaiserin Katharina von Bora got your tongue?" has become a popular idiom, and school nurse's offices feature full-service operating suites. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Belkaland's national animal is the Kaiser Eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Quintarchy of Luciellanism.

Belkaland is ranked 17,532^nd in the world and 2^nd in Rostil for Lowest Crime Rates, with 91.8 law-abiding acts per hour.