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“Drink oop lad & 'ave a pie”

The Ferret in Your Trouserness of Bahgum is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by The Glorious Leader with an iron fist, and remarkable for its parental licensing program. Its hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 13.532 billion are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

There is no government in the normal sense of the word; however, a small group of community-minded, corrupt, pro-business individuals is effectively ruled by the Department of Law & Order, with areas such as Social Equality and Religion & Spirituality receiving almost no funds by comparison. Income tax is unheard of. An almost nonexistent private sector is dominated by the Gambling industry.

Poets and writers are regularly rounded up and shot for entertainment, citizens who leave the country are officially classed as traitors, small businesses are gobbled up almost daily by corporate giants, and a cyber-war between file sharers and the music industry formats hard drives across the country. Crime -- especially youth-related -- is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force. Bahgum's national animal is the cart horse, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the eckythump.

Bahgum is ranked 1st in the region and 831st in the world for Largest Furniture Restoration Industry.